Dominant Goodlook (so named for her dominant looks and sexual prowess) is my lover. We have many nights of sweaty hugs. I ask her to marry me, but she say "No." I want to know why. So I will do Projective Tests! A Projective Test is a test used in Psychoanalysis that is supposed to help vampires interpret what is happening subconsciously. I am not a vampire, just a lust-filled sex rose who desires Dominant's body, so this is why I will use her as an example.
1. RORSCHACH'S INK BLOT TEST
A Rorschach ink blot tries to reveal any subconscious attentional biases a given person can have. Is basically hiring two year olds to pour ink on the papers and then making oragamy. Then we show this beautiful artwork to the patients and they misinterpret it.
Here is an example of what an ink blot looks like.
Dominant looks at this beautiful portrait of Mr. Moustachio that lives on Saint-Catherine street and say:
"It looks like that guy on Saint-Catherine street."
"So you love this man, yes?"
"What? No."
"Marry me?"
"no."
"please"
"Stop."
:'c
Obviously Dominant has an attentional bias towards moustaches. Now, based on this interpretation, I can deduce that growing a moustache is helpful. If this portrait were to be shown to someone like Larz, all she would see is Llamas drinking cosmos. She obviously is crazy. Llamas drink beer.
"Hey that one kind of looks like you."
Is not true.
2. THEMATIC APPERCEPTION TEST
Another way to delve into the flower petals of the mind to reveal subconcious thoughts and biases, is the thematic apperception (my dictionary say this word is no good, but I love it very much and refuse to change it) test. Basically, the patient is presented with ambiguous scenes and asked to interpret what's going on. Larz Bullfly kindly provided one of these scenes.
Now Dominant, what is it that you see?
"You on Valentine's Day."
"Will you marry me then?"
"No."
Based on these two test results, I conclude that Dominant Goodlook does not love me because
a. I am not a moustachio.
b. I am too tubby.
c. Larz Bullfly thinks that Llamas drink cosmos.
d. I have to pee.
Here is my statistcal proof that I am all of these problems:
Is academic, yes? No. But is truth.
Dominant Goodlook will marry me. Larz say no.
Larz lies.
"Actually, I think you're the ugliest thing on this planet and that your graph stinks. Check out the chartjunk. Kinda looks like your face."
LIES.
